off-off-topic, society, soulbliss

Baby Got Back

Tara Lynn

French model Tara Lynn

I’m writing this article in English, because the things I want to say seem universal, cross-language, and, I hope, cross-cultural. There was some corny story about a whale and a mermaid triggered by some picture of a skinny-ass model at the door of a gym somewhere. In a nutshell the story said it’s cool to be a fat ice-cream-eating whale while skinny-ass mermaids pop pills alone in the dark. Basically the exact opposite of the “Do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?” picture. Yeah, that was it.

Now let’s get to science and how I see things. Science tells us that Ms. Lynn up there is no in the best shape she can be. The extra weight puts some of her vital organs under extra pressure thus “helping” directly and indirectly all kinds of diseases  and defects to develop. Science also tells us that those bread sticks of girls walking the cat walk for ridiculous amounts of ca$h ain’t livin’ la vida sana either. So you’d best watch your weight and keep to the Golden Mean like with every other thing in this universe. Speaking of watching, the weight watchers probably make a fine diet, but man is this tiring!

That was medical science. Remember, these guys see every day things that you don’t see at all. And unlike you, they know how and why they happen. So let’s put a pin on that healthy stuff and come back to it later. My science take a more dry and efficient approach. Math people like numbers, right? Well, I do too. I think our brains measure the attraction to each individual of the opposite sex and give it a score. That’s how we choose between Blake Lively and Mila Kunis (apparently these are the top 2 most desirable women according to, …. that is if we must 🙂

Computing scores is a relatively easy task if we are limited to a few features. So if we define tits, ass and face to be our features we can probably normalize the score of each and put it somewhere between 1 and 10. That’s simple, but too inaccurate. Our brains are no simple things remember? There are an arbitrary number of features that any person would look for in the opposite sex. Big tits, small tits, small calves, big ass, curvy ass, flat tummy, huge eyes, etc. And combinations like small waist and big ass, blue eyes and blonde hair are important too. And the thing is that not only everybody looks for different things, but they also put different stress on them. For example, if asked if they like tits most men would say ‘Sure!’, but for some of them they are the too important, to the point they hardly see past them, and for some of them they give way to lips or smile or something else. Thus computing these features get more complicated — their scores are weighed by each individual. There are also some external factors in the computation of these scores, namely what’s fashionable and aesthetic in this particular time period. During the second half of the 20th century skinny became very attractive, but Rubens painted a lot of strait-up fat people, many of them divine creatures; there was a time when everybody wore white wigs and fake moles, nowadays Lady Gaga paints her hair different color every week; they also used to be very pale and put on powder on their faces to look even paler, while now everybody wants to be tanned. So what’s pretty, attractive and beautiful in the human mind is a dynamic and complex thing, which is also highly individual.

Now back to Ms Lynn up there and how I feel about her. I happen to put a stronger stress on the face features of a women than on her fat index, so her full-blown french features are highly attractive to me and judging from this picture she appears sexual and mysterious, so I think I just might go with Sir-Mix-A-Lot on this and say: Baby got back!


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